To a degree whether
we realize it or not our personal space plays a key role in our daily
relationships with one another. For instance, in the United States we
recognize that it is wise to set boundaries in our relationships with
co-workers. Most people would probably not share a lot of personal
details of their lives with a co-worker as opposed to a spouse. We
tend to setup boundaries within our social interactions to govern our
daily lives. To move from a casual acquaintance to a close friendship
requires that we go through certain invisible social steps all the
while paying close attention to social cues of each party involved so
as to see whether it be possible to gain a closer relationship or to
maintain the present casual acquaintance.
In
Japan this process can be described with two terms, Hedataru
and Najimu. Hedataru
means to separate or set apart while Nijimu
means to become attached to or familiar with. Relationships in Japan
begin with a distance known as Hedatari,
then move through Hedatari,
and move into the closeness of Najimu.
Moving through these stages requires much time, restraint, and
patience. Unlike the United States or Latin cultures where
relationships can be developed rather quickly, in Japan it seems to
take a lot of time. Japanese people tend to keep at a distance as
many of their social interactions tend to be far more formal. From
the student to the teacher, the customer to the dealer, or the child
to the parent much distance as well as formality is observed by
default. With a more formal society it not only takes more time to
develop close relationships, but it is also more rare of an
occurrence. To be invited to someone's house for instance is not only
rare, but also indicates that a major change in relationship has
occurred. Once Najimu
has been established trust will increase. Interestingly enough, since
Japan is a highly formal society there are outlets seen as necessary
for shedding Hedataru
with strangers such as drinking together as well as attending the
Onsen together without clothing!
As missionaries it
takes considerable time for us to establish relationships not only as
foreigners, but also in respect to Japanese societal norms. If we
fail to observe these customs we will be seen as barbarians, much
akin to something like walking into a five star hotel without shoes
or a shirt on! Imagine the embarrassment! However, once relationships
are established Japanese tend to be far more open to the gospel. It
appears that they tend to get truth from relationships rather than
objective sources much like the post-modernist person does in the
western world. This could be one of the reasons why it takes more
time for Japanese people to become Christians. We must remember to
remain firm in keeping our testimonies which includes avoiding
drinking, Onsens, and local pagan-rooted festivities. Unfortunately
to Non-Christian Japanese these choices can all be seen as blocks to
establishing a friendship. However, we will continue to trust God.
Please pray for us as we continue to build relationships with
Japanese people.
