After
reading these Japan
Culture Series
blogs for quite awhile now you may have come to the realization that
in almost every way Japanese culture appears to be the opposite of
Western culture. Perhaps one of the areas in which a stark contrast
exists the most is in child rearing practices otherwise known as
Ikuji.
Raising our child here in Japan has certainly been a learning
experience in that as an American we tend to focus on individual
values (independent decision making, creativity, etc.) and discipline
(direct communication, yes/no), whereas the Japanese way focuses
primarily on the feelings of the immediate group and larger society.
As Americans we tend to place a lot of emphasis on direct verbal
communication for instruction (do what I say), while Japanese tend to
follow by example and the actions of non-verbal communication (do
what I do). In this way Japanese children gradually learn to be aware
of what others are feeling or thinking, and to adjust their behavior
accordingly.
Japanese
children are given a great amount of freedom to behave as they like
until they gradually realize through observation of others that their
behavior is not accepted and eventually need to conform to the group
standard, whereas American children are typically told verbally by
their parents that their behavior is wrong and that they need to stop
immediately. An ideal child in Japan is one who is well-mannered in
group relations as well as obedient to the group expectations,
whereas an idea child in America is seen as one that can think for
themselves and communicate directly. In this way Japanese people tend
to see what the group thinks or does and listen rather than give
their own opinions, which may disrupt the group harmony. Here in
Japan it is clear that other people and society come before the
individual opinion.
Each
way of raising a child has its benefits and detriments. Some
difficulties for American parents occur when their children become
too demanding, assertive, and self-centered. Some of the difficulties
for Japanese children are that they have a difficult time thinking
outside of the group or giving their own opinion of anything.
Certainly a balanced approach is ideal in which truth in open
communication as well as harmony with others is emphasized. As
Christians when raising children we emphasize not necessarily what
others think as the most important thing in life (or even our own
will), but what God thinks. Our behavior is to be governed by
God-centered principles as opposed to man-centered individualistic or
group-oriented thinking. Rather than teaching a child that something
is wrong because the group does not like it, or only because “I
said so”, we operate on the premise that it is because it is wrong
in the sight of God. As Japanese become more influenced by Western
thought, and as Americans become more influenced by post-modern group
thinking we need to remember that Godly biblical principles ought to
govern our approach to life no matter where we are from!
